two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
