Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
