There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
