i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
