Only a mothe r could love this liver
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
