a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
