How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
