SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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