tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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