please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
