But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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