My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so let's talk penis.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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