And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize