He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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