why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
