This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
