Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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