Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize