Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
