On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
