Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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