drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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