Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
