the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
