Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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