I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
