her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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