I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
