Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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