If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
