so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
