If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
