You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize