I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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