you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Randomize
