I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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