cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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