Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
