her vagine was all disorganized.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
