Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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