I wish I only lived at night.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We are two peas in an std pod
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
