At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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