Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
