are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
