I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
