Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize