no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
