you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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