I'm lost and stupid without you.
I bet he comes in French.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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