i think my mom watched the whole time
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
