the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
