I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
