Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
