i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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