Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
