wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
