I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
