I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
