okay pat passed out under dana's car
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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