last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
