I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
