you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
