I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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