i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
