She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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