you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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